Why I almost went insane in my 2019 Advanced Poetry Writing course
Accepting There is Much Unknown
I don’t claim to be a know-it-all, but I can’t say that I didn’t feel that way a year ago. I felt as though I were one of the greatest poets to live, although lacking humility in this way made me one of the worst poets to exist. I came to this reality during the previous semester, whenever a lot of my poetry was ripped to shreds by other amateur poets. It took almost the whole semester to knock me off of the “I just published a poetry book” pedestal, and once I hit the floor my entire world changed. I had brought myself down to a level where I was able to completely pick apart my own work for what it was. The style that I had adopted was frankly unoriginal, thanks to mainstream poets, and my goal during this course was to make it original. When someone stumbles across a poem written by me, I want them to know that it was written by me. That is the kind of impact I strived to make on the world of poetry.
Taking this class was very humbling and extremely difficult, yet fun in a way. This was a four-thousand level course (the highest an undergraduate student can take), and we definitely put in the work that gave the class that weight. To try and break things down, every week we were expected to research a different type of poem, write a poem in that genre, post the poem in the discussion board, workshop the poems (edit and make suggestions to the poems of other students), take those revisions back and edit an entirely new poem. On top of that we had extra homework, presentations, and projects; had I not been taking seventeen credits that semester, it wouldn’t have seemed that demanding.
There were times where I would literally end up starting and finishing a poem that was due, the morning of the class; especially when I was overwhelmed with homework and presentations from other courses. Obviously writing a poem on such short notice is a recipe for disaster, and at times it was, but it was in those moments I pushed myself to make the time to sit down and write the best poem I could. Learning all different types of genres expands a poet’s longevity. Not all poets have the opportunity formally learn how to write in these genres and then receive constructive feedback from seasoned poets.
Learning to Give and Receive Constructive Feedback
I was scarred from the previous semester because of the amount of destructive and toxic feedback I received from peers who weren’t as familiar with poetry styles. My professor knew this and she pushed me to allow myself to try again, in hopes that this semester would bring more constructive feedback, and it did. The previous semester I had taken a creative writing course that was open to all students, and that class was a hot mess because most students had no idea what they were doing. This semester was different, because the class was full of seasoned writers, and the class was a size of six. I felt enormously comfortable writing and presenting my work to my peers, knowing that their feedback was only going to help me get better, and not just hurt my feelings.
When it came time for me to give constructive feedback, I struggled; I didn’t know how. This was another epiphany that I had proving that I didn’t know everything about poetry. Learning to find inconsistencies in grammar, style, speech, tone, and overall writing wasn’t easy at first. When I first began giving feedback, I would leave one word or maybe a sentence. I was not able to pick up on these inconsistencies and I was not able to find ways for this poet to improve their piece. A lot of magnificent pieces of poetry came across my desk, and I let those poets know that they needed to publish their final work. Even then, I still had to find something within that poem for them to improve for whenever they go back to revise and edit their work.
Receiving constructive feedback for the first time in that class was terrifying; I was truly scared. All I could think about was how hurt I had felt the previous semester for writing straight from my heart and experiences. To my absolute shock, the feedback was incredible. It was a mixture of cold and warm feedback, meaning there were comments about things they really, really liked and comments about things they wanted to see more of (instead of changed). Instead of calling something ambiguous and confusing, the classmate would say what they would like to see emerge from the ambiguity, instead of just labeling it and not helping them improve. There were several poems that I drafted and presented to my peers that were purposefully ambiguous, because I wanted assistance with what direction to take the piece. Inevitably I received great suggestions and feedback on where and how to take my poem to the next level in revision.
Facing My Own Prejudices
For the duration of the semester we chose a topic that would appear in all of our work, up until our end of the semester final project. The topic was meant to be controversial, in that we could repeatedly state our arguments throughout each piece that we wrote. Some of the topics included trauma, mental illness (me), immigration/xenophobia, abortion, gay pride, and queer pride. As a poet, you cannot have any type of prejudice in your heart when you write. There is way too much power in your voice for you to try and shame anyone for any of their life choices. I personally loved all of these topics, I thought they were amazing and I was excited to see the work we were all going to do. The problem was that I had preconceived notions about some of the topics, and that in and of itself is prejudice. Through the education of the poet within their work, I was able to see the error in my own mind toward a few of these topics. Education is key in destroying ignorance.
The more poetry I read from my peers, the more educated I became about the topic, mainly because everyone chose a topic they’ve experienced. We were expected to research different major events pertaining to our topics as well when it came to our ‘witnessing’ poem. The classmate who chose the topic abortion, brought up an extremely controversial event from the late 1990s, where Rick Santorum forced his children to embrace a deceased fetus that would have been their sibling. It’s a very interesting story to read up on whenever you get the chance.
I was not previously familiar with the events that took place, and this project helped broaden my spectrum when it came to crucial world events. I was also able to hear heartwarming testimonies from several of my peers who were brave enough to share them with us. This experience brought us closer together as a class; almost like a family. We understood that we all have experienced really serious situations and that writing and publishing these experiences gives power to those who have felt the same suffering.
The arguments that we made in our poetry really helped us solidify our writing styles. Without this class, I wouldn’t have picked up the habit of trying to write at least once a day, if not more. I was challenged beyond belief when it came to changing my own writing technique, and learning how to improve overall as a writer; not just a poet. I was also challenged to remain mentally present by always checking to make sure that I had everything turned in on time. I was always trying my best to stay up to date on all the latest readings and assignments long before they were do. There were times where I hadn’t done this and I immediately regretted it, because I knew I wasn’t putting my best work forward.
I personally tend to write darker poetry as an accumulation of experiences and emotions, but I was challenged to write from different perspectives and to use different literary devices to take my readers on a journey. Using a thesaurus was a part of my writing process and then learning how to use a rhyming thesaurus completely changed the game for me. The professor I had for this course has been with me since the beginning of my professional writing career and I am eternally grateful for her help, advice, and guidance. The entire evolution my poetry has gone through, has been thanks to her awesome constructive feedback and suggestions on poetry and writing that I needed helped with,
My website has gone through many different changes. It took over a year for me to finally obtain my own website domain, where I own everything down to the pixel; it’s more than a blessing. This course was very humbling, and although the work demand almost drove me insane, I am currently thanking myself for deciding to go through and hustle in this course. Writing will be a major part of my career in the future, so it is very wise to soak in as much tangible and logical knowledge that I can as an undergraduate student; the same goes for any type of skill or subject. This was my overwhelmingly advantageous experience throughout my advanced poetry writing course.
